Maybe I’ve been wrong about local control of education. Being a flip-flopper is not a rarity politically in Washington. Saying one thing and doing another is business as usual. So, I’ve flipped my position and looked at the potential DC politicians have to offer educationally.

Washington control may be just the ticket to improve your child’s education. After all, the Feds know best. Sure your local school board is close to you, and listens and responds to your concerns about Johnny and Sally’s education. Board members are neighbors and all that, but wouldn’t you rather have a phantom Ivy League whiz kid writing policy and procedures for your kid’s school? Yes, Ivy Leaguers – the same ones that made the decisions that got us into every undeclared war since Korea. While educating children is complex, look at how they tackled healthcare or the tax code? They can do the same for your kids’ school.

Change we can believe in can only come from the White House and Congress. And they certainly have a great track record of working together cooperatively, efficiently and effectively! Maybe even someday, the Senate will consider a budget – it hasn’t passed one in years.

But what the hey, let’s think of the possibilities if Congress and the President took control of your neighborhood school. They have been trying for over 50 years and look at the results? Well, not right now. Let’s just look at the possibilities of harnessing DC political talent for our schools. There is so much potential for your child’s program.

  • Representative Charlie Rangel [God, there is a host of others too] can teach ethics with an emphasis on integrity and honesty with a little truth [very little] thrown in.
  • Economics and responsibility could be taught by — almost any Republican or Democrat who voted to spend more money than we take in.
  • Wall Street and their lobbyists, those “Masters of the Universe”, can train students in the virtues of being too big to fail and the relationship of the Black-Scholes equation and derivatives and gambling [Look it up. I don’t understand it and they don’t either].
  • Carl Rove, Matt Rhoades, James Carville and David Axelrod could define the standards for communication so children can learn the history of the world and be able to sum it up on a bumper sticker using only half-truths.
  • Oh, and the president could teach the 21st century skill of parroting words via a Teleprompter and the electoral value of being a “cool” crooning leader. On the side, maybe he can also teach how hoping brings about change.
  • Representative Nancy Pelosi can write the curriculum on getting investment advice, humility, and smiling while avoiding answering a question.
  • Representative Boehner and Senator Reid can expound on organizational skills, negotiation, compromise, and accountability.
  • Jack Abramoff can explain civics and character in the legislative branch.
  • Mitt Romney can be the major instructor on winning friends and influencing people, particularly if you have a bank account the size of Portugal’s.
  • Mayor Cory Booker can lecture on the hazards of speaking the truth and then being a suck-up and taking back your comments to please politicos.

Wow!  DC politicians really can teach us a lot. Actually, early adolescents can relate to all of this. These beltway politicians and bureaucrats can get your children “college and career ready”!

The Department of Education really thinks it knows better than your local school board about creating good schools. Just call them – you’ll see. They are as friendly, responsive, and sensitive as the IRS.